How to Converse About Public Services….and Other Useless Things

My neck actually really hurts because….I don’t want to say.
Ok, I was…I was whipping my hair back and forth. That damn Willow Smith tricked me into thinking it would ‘get the party jumping.’ So anyway to continue the small talk advice, let’s talk about public services. To assist with this guide I would like to re-introduce you to HSWH from yesterday. So the conversation might go a little something like this….
Oh and let’s make HSWH a hottie.
Annnnnnd action.

HSWH: So I see they’ve cleared away the bins.

Me: Erm….

HSWH: The bins, I mean they were everywhere. The bin men finally did their job, huh?

Me: Yes….well…..socks.

HSWH: (Goes off in huff.)

He was a little too hot let’s make him a her and change her age to about ancient years old. Annnnnd action.

Me: About time they got those bins sorted, it’s been ridiculous. Little children had to walk past them to get to school. What about health and safety?

HSWH: What happened to community? In my day they would have done their jobs just because of their care for other people. Now it’s just selfishness. Mortgage this and have to eat that.

Me: It wouldn’t be so bad if the post came on time….

HSWH: Don’t get me started on the Royal Mail. I doubt the Queen wants to be associated with that mess. Time was you’d wake up and by seven the post would have been delivered. We’ve got a right one who delivers our post. Appears when he likes and has the nerve to smile at me. Public service,*  means serving the public not yourself. Absolutely ridiculous.

Me: The libraries…

HSWH: Closing I know. Good riddance I say. The books are shoved in one corner, it’s all computers now isn’t it? My grandson’s got one and it’s all goggle this and farcebook that…he assures me it’s for his homework.

Me:  But surely libraries encourage the pursuit of knowledge and the power of ideas. We can’t just get rid of them.

HSWH: Dear, there are people in this country struggling to make ends meet and hit hard by the recession. Do you expect them to eat novels? Well some of them are so stupid they just might *chuckle* The working class need to learn their place and fast. Their place is under me.

Me: Well that’s a bit saucy. Also isn’t that the point? The current government favours the rich. Libraries encourage self improvement and help disadvantaged children. You can’t be serious.

HSWH: Too bad because I am.

Me: You’re one of them, aren’t you?

HSWH: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

Me: Conservative voter! You are, aren’t you? It’s written all over your face. You voted for David Cameron, get out of here.

HSWH: Well at least I’m not a weak Lib Dem supporter. Charm you did he? Told you lies that you foolishly believed, well one day I will rule the world and…..

(I reach out and snatch the mask off his face- David Cameron stands before me.)

See, this conversation quickly got out of hand by ignoring the rules the of small talk. Keep it simple there is plenty of time to argue later on in your relationship. Right now, it’s about connecting through shallow conversation. So here are the tips…

1) Keep to the subject and watch out for body language cues. If a subject is uncomfortable you will know about it. David Cameron, I mean, HSWH couldn’t have known that I am a supporter of the library. He steamrollered ahead and hurt my feelings. Keep it simple.

2) Never discuss politics. There are subjects you should just stay away from. (There may be more on that later.)

3) Keep up with important events and the news. You can use it in a random conversation.

*Keep on the subject, mention the subject in a sentence. 

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